While I prefer the admixture programs available at Gedmatch.com (hint, donate, I am not affiliated with them, but it's a great site and I would hate to see it go away), I found a useful tool to find the specific Chromosomal information of the Ancestry Composition in Start and Stop points.
Since my mother has Native DNA, I am hoping (and sadly found out with this, we have none yet) that I can break down some brick walls by matching DNA with some of my Choctaw kin. When using DNAgedcom to export the information I needed for Genome mate, I noticed in the files an AC or Ancestry Composition CSV file.
When I opened the file, which opened in a spreadsheet, it was the breakdown of the ancestry components by chromosome from the Ancestry Composition at 23 and me. I use Open office and not Microsoft Works so I can only tell you how I made myself a spreadsheet from there.
When I first opened the file, it was all in the first column, so I clicked the Data option at the top and clicked Text to Columns, and changed the parameter to commas. I then had a table but it wasn't sorted. So I then went to Column A, do not highlight whole column, and then chose Data and Sort. I sorted by Column A.
What I ended up with is a Table sorted by Chromosome (though not in order Ch1, Ch10, Chr 11 ect then Ch 2, Ch 21, etc. ).
I then took my matches (from genome mate or 529) and compared the matches to the numbers. You have two separate sets of data. One I think is for when you show the Subgroups and the other for when you don't, either way the data is the same. The native matches are designated eana and American.
Hope this helps
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
You've got (DNA) matches!
Okay, so I am dating myself a little, parodying "you've got mail" but I think it's the closest thing I could think of to describe the excitement (which we all had initially with AOL), of receiving my first autosomal DNA matches on my parents and my DNA.
Then I tried to figure out the matches. Oh, my. Out of the 2000 matches for my parents, I have figured out 13 easily. The rest has had me scratching my head. I also signed up for gedmatch, a free site run by donations (hint if you use it, donate), which is currently down while they upgrade their servers. I got several more matches (about 1400 per person), but had some bumps along the way as I learned just how to navigate triangulation of matches.
The first thing I learned is just because two people match you at the same point on the same chromosome, doesn't mean they match each other. You get half of that DNA from each parent, so if they don't match that means that one person matches DNA from your father and the other your mother.
The second thing I learned is that sometimes large segments get passed entirely from parent to child. What that means is that if my Dad has a 28 cm match and I got it, the relationship estimate for my relationship won't be accurate. I don't think this is so much in the matches for 1-3rd cousins but beyond, it can make it harder to locate the relationship. Mom has a 6th cousin she shares a pretty large segment with, that I don't match at all, but she has two 4th cousins from the same line that I match in the exact way.
The third thing I learned was how to use some nifty free tools available. For 23andme.com, you can use DNAgedcom to download a zip file with specific data. You can also install the 529 extension in chrome. Genome Mate a free program is a desktop database/spreadsheet program that allows you to track your matches across several venues (gedmatch, 23andme, ancestry.com, ftdna, etc). All these tools are going to be needed, unless you can do it yourself, because you must keep track of the matches.
If you don't have surnames in common, you need to cross your fingers for some more matches in that segment. Chances are even if you have a fairly robust tree, you don't have adequate research on the cousins of your 4th great grandparent. Or you haven't researched all the lines from each sibling of that great grandparent. Some folks have a tree, but some don't. It is somewhat frustrating because I thought DNA would make it easier to break down my brick walls. So far, it's given me a lot of information that I have no clue how to use.
When you have a match, it is helpful, because anyone in that segment who matches your match shares the same common ancestor. Because a rather large group of my McCurdy cousins have tested, I was able to work with them and we have started compiling a list of specific segments that are "McCurdy" but here's the best part, we don't all match each other in the same place!
Because of intermarriage of cousins and more, we have a rather complicated tree on my McCurdy's.
Cousin A has two great grandmother's who are sisters, and daughters of my Dad's GGGrandfather's brother.
Cousin B shares my Dad's GGGrandfather, but is only a half sibling descendant. The other half on that same line is a niece of Cousin A's McCurdy's (and, lol, she shares the other Surname Morris).
Cousin C shares my Dad's GGGrandfather and GGGrandmother.
Cousin D shares only a 3rd G Grandfather of my Dad's with the rest.
Cousin E is a half sibling descendant of the 3rd GGrandfather, but we found out that Cousin B and Dad match her mother who isn't a McCurdy (she matches none of us on the McCurdy's).
Only one match is in common for more than two of us. Another match may in fact be a match to the Beck family (the wife of Dad's GGGrandfather) and not a McCurdy Match. We have several more cousins awaiting results, with each piece we will build it together. We are hoping we can get Cousin B's mom to test because she and her first cousins that are alive are the closest we can get to Elijah McCurdy (great grandchild) and we are hoping it will open up other McCurdy families.
As you can see, it's complicated. It's not easy, but it sure is fun.
Will keep you posted.
Then I tried to figure out the matches. Oh, my. Out of the 2000 matches for my parents, I have figured out 13 easily. The rest has had me scratching my head. I also signed up for gedmatch, a free site run by donations (hint if you use it, donate), which is currently down while they upgrade their servers. I got several more matches (about 1400 per person), but had some bumps along the way as I learned just how to navigate triangulation of matches.
The first thing I learned is just because two people match you at the same point on the same chromosome, doesn't mean they match each other. You get half of that DNA from each parent, so if they don't match that means that one person matches DNA from your father and the other your mother.
The second thing I learned is that sometimes large segments get passed entirely from parent to child. What that means is that if my Dad has a 28 cm match and I got it, the relationship estimate for my relationship won't be accurate. I don't think this is so much in the matches for 1-3rd cousins but beyond, it can make it harder to locate the relationship. Mom has a 6th cousin she shares a pretty large segment with, that I don't match at all, but she has two 4th cousins from the same line that I match in the exact way.
The third thing I learned was how to use some nifty free tools available. For 23andme.com, you can use DNAgedcom to download a zip file with specific data. You can also install the 529 extension in chrome. Genome Mate a free program is a desktop database/spreadsheet program that allows you to track your matches across several venues (gedmatch, 23andme, ancestry.com, ftdna, etc). All these tools are going to be needed, unless you can do it yourself, because you must keep track of the matches.
If you don't have surnames in common, you need to cross your fingers for some more matches in that segment. Chances are even if you have a fairly robust tree, you don't have adequate research on the cousins of your 4th great grandparent. Or you haven't researched all the lines from each sibling of that great grandparent. Some folks have a tree, but some don't. It is somewhat frustrating because I thought DNA would make it easier to break down my brick walls. So far, it's given me a lot of information that I have no clue how to use.
When you have a match, it is helpful, because anyone in that segment who matches your match shares the same common ancestor. Because a rather large group of my McCurdy cousins have tested, I was able to work with them and we have started compiling a list of specific segments that are "McCurdy" but here's the best part, we don't all match each other in the same place!
Because of intermarriage of cousins and more, we have a rather complicated tree on my McCurdy's.
Cousin A has two great grandmother's who are sisters, and daughters of my Dad's GGGrandfather's brother.
Cousin B shares my Dad's GGGrandfather, but is only a half sibling descendant. The other half on that same line is a niece of Cousin A's McCurdy's (and, lol, she shares the other Surname Morris).
Cousin C shares my Dad's GGGrandfather and GGGrandmother.
Cousin D shares only a 3rd G Grandfather of my Dad's with the rest.
Cousin E is a half sibling descendant of the 3rd GGrandfather, but we found out that Cousin B and Dad match her mother who isn't a McCurdy (she matches none of us on the McCurdy's).
Only one match is in common for more than two of us. Another match may in fact be a match to the Beck family (the wife of Dad's GGGrandfather) and not a McCurdy Match. We have several more cousins awaiting results, with each piece we will build it together. We are hoping we can get Cousin B's mom to test because she and her first cousins that are alive are the closest we can get to Elijah McCurdy (great grandchild) and we are hoping it will open up other McCurdy families.
As you can see, it's complicated. It's not easy, but it sure is fun.
Will keep you posted.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Genealogy versus Autosomal DNA
I sent off my parents and my DNA for autosomal testing recently. I am still waiting the results on two of the tests, and have only the raw data at present on my mother. I utilized gedmatch (an awesome site worthy of donations) which for free let me analyze the admixture in the raw data to determine ancestry.
I was pleased with the results, mostly because up to that time I had figured my mother was about 3/32 (or 10.4 %) native american. I decided to write a blog about the ancestry admixtures versus the presumed ancestry based on genealogy.
To start, let's look at each of her grandparents who contribute 25 percent of her DNA (roughly). With recombination, you don't always get strictly 25 percent. I am using British Isles for those of Scottish, Welsh, British and Irish descent (though I have no Irish that I know of).
Claude Cye Hager- British isles and no more than 1/16 rumored Cherokee (.06%)
His great grandfather, Steely Hager is a son or grandson of a German immigrant from North Carolina
His great grandmother Mary (Polly) Whitley (Jones?) was rumored to be both 1/2 and full Choctaw by a descendant on the Dawes. I know this isn't true, but I was willing to give her 1/2 Cherokee and British Isles.
His great grandfather Joseph Barnett is presumably of British Isles descent
His great grandmother Elizabeth (no maiden name known) is presumably of British descent
His great grandfather Daniel Collins is presumably of British Isles descent
His great grandmother Telitha Adams is also presumably of British Isles descent
His great grandfather Samuel Mangrum is also presumably of British Isles descent
His great grandmother Harriet (no maiden name known) is also presumably of British isles descent
Margaret Pauline "Bonnie" Adams British Isles and no more than 1/8 (12.5%) Cherokee and 7/32 (21.8%) to 13/32 (40.6%) Choctaw
Her grandmother (unable to trace further) Cornelia (rumored to be Gardner) was a Choctaw Mixed Blood, somewhere between 1/2 and 7/8 (or 50 to 87.5 %)
Her great grandfather James N. Trahern was British Isles and 1/4 (25 %) Choctaw
Her great grandmother Sarah Hall was British Isles and 1/2 (50 %) Choctaw
Her grandfather George W. Adams is presumably British Isles
Her great grandfather Henry Rogers was British Isles
Her great grandmother Mahala Mariah (rumored Rodgers) is rumored part Cherokee of no more than 1/2 (50%)
Leroy Hinds- British Isles
His grandfather Thomas William Hinds is British Isles
His grandmother Mary Crawford is British Isles
His grandfather Benjamin Paxton is British Isles (immigrant)
His grandmother Mary Douglas is British Isles
Elizabeth Ruth Timmins British Isles
Her parents were born in England, as were her grand and great grand parents (I have their names if interested)
Thus from her mother, my mother has 50 percent British Isles DNA by genealogy, and from her father no more than 3.14 % Cherokee, 5.14-10.15% Choctaw (for a total 8.28-13.29% Native DNA) and the remaining German and British Isles.
Using Gedmatch I get the following results
MDLP World-22 admixture program
Where Meso- American (anthropology suggests Choctaw were from South America), South America, Artic and North American indian area all represented to a total of 9.32 % Native American DNA, with the remaining DNA roughly 45 percent North East European, 30 percent Mediteranean and 12 percent Asian/Middle East. OH I forgot to add the 2.58 percent near east, which I think adds to the Native DNA for about 11.9 percent Native.
Using Eurogenes K-13 I get the following
North_Atlantic46.33%
Baltic18.66%
West_Med11.40%
West_Asian6.08%
East_Med3.79%
Red_Sea1.01%
South_Asian2.66%
East_Asian-
Siberian1.23%
Amerindian7.87%
Oceanian0.38%
Northeast_African-
Sub-Saharan0.59%
I was pleased with the results, mostly because up to that time I had figured my mother was about 3/32 (or 10.4 %) native american. I decided to write a blog about the ancestry admixtures versus the presumed ancestry based on genealogy.
To start, let's look at each of her grandparents who contribute 25 percent of her DNA (roughly). With recombination, you don't always get strictly 25 percent. I am using British Isles for those of Scottish, Welsh, British and Irish descent (though I have no Irish that I know of).
Claude Cye Hager- British isles and no more than 1/16 rumored Cherokee (.06%)
His great grandfather, Steely Hager is a son or grandson of a German immigrant from North Carolina
His great grandmother Mary (Polly) Whitley (Jones?) was rumored to be both 1/2 and full Choctaw by a descendant on the Dawes. I know this isn't true, but I was willing to give her 1/2 Cherokee and British Isles.
His great grandfather Joseph Barnett is presumably of British Isles descent
His great grandmother Elizabeth (no maiden name known) is presumably of British descent
His great grandfather Daniel Collins is presumably of British Isles descent
His great grandmother Telitha Adams is also presumably of British Isles descent
His great grandfather Samuel Mangrum is also presumably of British Isles descent
His great grandmother Harriet (no maiden name known) is also presumably of British isles descent
Margaret Pauline "Bonnie" Adams British Isles and no more than 1/8 (12.5%) Cherokee and 7/32 (21.8%) to 13/32 (40.6%) Choctaw
Her grandmother (unable to trace further) Cornelia (rumored to be Gardner) was a Choctaw Mixed Blood, somewhere between 1/2 and 7/8 (or 50 to 87.5 %)
Her great grandfather James N. Trahern was British Isles and 1/4 (25 %) Choctaw
Her great grandmother Sarah Hall was British Isles and 1/2 (50 %) Choctaw
Her grandfather George W. Adams is presumably British Isles
Her great grandfather Henry Rogers was British Isles
Her great grandmother Mahala Mariah (rumored Rodgers) is rumored part Cherokee of no more than 1/2 (50%)
Leroy Hinds- British Isles
His grandfather Thomas William Hinds is British Isles
His grandmother Mary Crawford is British Isles
His grandfather Benjamin Paxton is British Isles (immigrant)
His grandmother Mary Douglas is British Isles
Elizabeth Ruth Timmins British Isles
Her parents were born in England, as were her grand and great grand parents (I have their names if interested)
Thus from her mother, my mother has 50 percent British Isles DNA by genealogy, and from her father no more than 3.14 % Cherokee, 5.14-10.15% Choctaw (for a total 8.28-13.29% Native DNA) and the remaining German and British Isles.
Using Gedmatch I get the following results
MDLP World-22 admixture program
| Pygmy | - |
| West-Asian | 7.07% |
| North-European-Mesolithic | 5.39% |
| Indo-Tibetan | - |
| Mesoamerican | 4.06% |
| Arctic-Amerind | 1.32% |
| South-America_Amerind | 0.77% |
| Indian | 1.00% |
| North-Siberean | - |
| Atlantic_Mediterranean_Neolithic | 30.01% |
| Samoedic | 1.13% |
| Indo-Iranian | 2.28% |
| East-Siberean | - |
| North-East-European | 40.34% |
| South-African | - |
| North-Amerind | 3.17% |
| Sub-Saharian | 0.41% |
| East-South-Asian | - |
| Near_East | 2.58% |
| Melanesian | - |
| Paleo-Siberian | - |
| Austronesian | 0.44% |
Where Meso- American (anthropology suggests Choctaw were from South America), South America, Artic and North American indian area all represented to a total of 9.32 % Native American DNA, with the remaining DNA roughly 45 percent North East European, 30 percent Mediteranean and 12 percent Asian/Middle East. OH I forgot to add the 2.58 percent near east, which I think adds to the Native DNA for about 11.9 percent Native.
Using Eurogenes K-13 I get the following
North_Atlantic46.33%
Baltic18.66%
West_Med11.40%
West_Asian6.08%
East_Med3.79%
Red_Sea1.01%
South_Asian2.66%
East_Asian-
Siberian1.23%
Amerindian7.87%
Oceanian0.38%
Northeast_African-
Sub-Saharan0.59%
Where Siberian, South Asian and American total 11.76 % and Northern European (Atlantic and Baltic) 64.99% and Mediteranian/West Asian 23.28 %
With Dodecad V3 I get these results, note they don't utilize Native American as a category so I will be using all but West Asian.
East_European9.82%
West_European49.11%
Mediterranean23.63%
Neo_African0.24%
West_Asian5.60%
South_Asian3.82%
Northeast_Asian3.87%
Southeast_Asian2.04%
East_African-
Southwest_Asian1.72%
Northwest_African-
Palaeo_African0.14%
The Asian's total up to 11.45 % Native American equivalent, Mediteranean is roughly 29.23 % and European (both) is 58.99%
With Harappaworld I get
S-Indian0.91%
Baloch10.37%
Caucasian5.84%
NE-Euro42.78%
SE-Asian0.05%
Siberian-
NE-Asian-
Papuan0.59%
American7.11%
Beringian1.18%
Mediterranean29.38%
SW-Asian1.58%
San0.13%
E-African-
Pygmy-
W-African0.08%
Since I don't understand some of these "groups" I am not analyzing it, but it does show American Indian at 7.11 %
Using Gedmatch's programs I get a solid 11 percent Native DNA, with 50-60 percent European, and roughly 25-30 percent Mediterranean DNA. (I know that's not a 100 %) I get an average of less than 1 percent African. I have no idea if some of the German is Mediterranean, or where that 30 percent of my DNA comes from, but I am happy to see that the Native DNA has rang true with my tree.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Franklin Family Surname Project
We have long wondered about Henry Franklin our ancestor. I know he came from Sumter, SC to Clarke, Alabama about 1808. By the census records he was born about 1771. In Sumter County, there were two other Franklin's who were neighbors and likely relatives, Reuben b about 1765 and Laurence b 1780-1790. Laurence leaves a will in 1822 in Sumter. Reuben shows up no longer after 1820 and there is no more Franklin's there to follow.
The Franklin Surname Project shows the following as ydna matches to William Barnett Franklin, my ancestor and Henry's son.
The Haplogroup is R1B1A SNP M-629
Only 2 STR's difference, (rapid change)
Esom Franklin, Early County, Georgia, b 1780 (related to William Franklin, Sr of Va)
Nathaniel Franklin, Tennessee, B. 1807
3 STR difference (rapid change)
Richard Franklin, Georgia, b 1807 (? Habersham) (two matches)
Jonathan Franklin, Virginia, b 1766 (two matches)
Clark Franklin (no info, I believe he is in TN/KY)
Gov. Jesse Franklin, North Carolina
Job Franklin, Virginia, b 1789 (lived in Habersham, Georgia)
William D. Franklin, b 1822, Tennessee
4 STR difference
Bentley Franklin, Chester, SC
If anyone is interested in collaborating to look for the common ancestor please get in touch with me.
The Franklin Surname Project shows the following as ydna matches to William Barnett Franklin, my ancestor and Henry's son.
The Haplogroup is R1B1A SNP M-629
Only 2 STR's difference, (rapid change)
Esom Franklin, Early County, Georgia, b 1780 (related to William Franklin, Sr of Va)
Nathaniel Franklin, Tennessee, B. 1807
3 STR difference (rapid change)
Richard Franklin, Georgia, b 1807 (? Habersham) (two matches)
Jonathan Franklin, Virginia, b 1766 (two matches)
Clark Franklin (no info, I believe he is in TN/KY)
Gov. Jesse Franklin, North Carolina
Job Franklin, Virginia, b 1789 (lived in Habersham, Georgia)
William D. Franklin, b 1822, Tennessee
4 STR difference
Bentley Franklin, Chester, SC
If anyone is interested in collaborating to look for the common ancestor please get in touch with me.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Claude Cye Hager
Below is an article I wrote a few years ago about my great grandfather, Claude Cye Hager. Claude was ultimately a victim of his life circumstances. In the the dysfunctional aspects of my family, it is his absence that affected my grandfather, not his presence.
Claude Cye Hager
Until this week, and after a decade of
research, I didn’t know much about Claude. From my grandfather,
Claudius Byron Hager, I knew only what he was told. He grew up
believing his father died when he was three years old. His
grandmother told him that Claude was part Cherokee, had been a
traveling salesman, and was from Fort Smith, Arkansas. As an adult,
my grandfather, who had changed his name in 1950 to Raymond Mieirs,
wrote and received the information about his father from McAlester
State Prison. His father’s photo and the information he had
received he sent to his mother, with a letter saying he would never
forgive her for lying to him about his father. My grandfather, never
one to get angry or hold a grudge, stuck to his word, and never spoke
to her again.
After reading through the information
about his trial, the newspaper articles I have found, and slowly
uncovering the facts of his parents, I have been able to piece the
life of Claude together. It isn’t a happy story; in fact, it is
shameful to many of us who are his grandchildren or great
grandchildren. No one wants a murderer in their family. The True
Story articles by Glenn Shirley depict the crime in its brutality,
and it was brutal. However, Mr. Shirley got some facts wrong, and
failed to include all the facts. Because this is personal for all of
us who descend from this man, I feel compelled to set the record
straight. Evidently, since she showed a True Crime story to her
granddaughter when she was young, Minnie knew about Claude’s
imprisonment. This suggests that he may have not entirely abandoned
both his sons, but may have attempted correspondence with them. I
suspect that Minnie, like my grandfather’s mother and grandmother,
did not return that correspondence.
Claude Cye “Blackie” Hager was born
October 16, 1889 to John S. Hager and Martha Jane Collins in Benton,
Arkansas. Not much is known about his early life, but we know that
Martha Jane Collins, divorced John in 1891 and is found in Hopkins
County, Texas in 1900 with William Daniels. Her daughter Bessie born
in 1897, and Lona, born 1899 or 1900 show that Martha and her two
sons, living under assumed names in 1900 with her family. Claude had
a younger brother, George W. Hager who was born May 1, 1891 also in
Benton, Arkansas. The fact that Martha was hiding the boys, suggests
that her life with John Hager was a difficult one. No one knows the
whole story, but it isn’t hard to imagine the kind of conditions
that would force a mother to run away and hide her children.
According to members of the Daniels clan, John S. Hager was an
abusive man.
The hardship of the boys lives forced
to live under assumed names in order to hide them from their father
was stressed even further by the death of their mother, and then
apparently their father. In 1905, the boys were orphans, and
guardianship was given to their maternal grandmother, Martha L.
Magnum Collins in Benton, Arkansas. Their grandmother died in 1909,
and Claude age 20, and George 17, apparently were left to their own
devices. While we find George as a laborer in Hopkins County, Texas
in 1910, Claude’s whereabouts are unknown. Both George and Claude
appeared to have bounced around a lot. George is found in Hopkins and
Benton, and I suspect Claude also moved around.
In 1915 Claude married Minnie Jones in
Benton, Arkansas. By 1917, he and Minnie were living in Jasper
County, Missouri, where he is working for a mining company. His
physical description on his draft registration for World War I, lists
his eyes and hair as Brown, and his build as medium. His prison
record states he was 5’9 1/2”, with brown hair, and brown eyes,
and of slender build, wt 144 pounds.
On December 3, 1918, Claude and Minnie
had a son, Spencer M. Hager in Nebraska. The couple is found living
in Kansas City, Kansas in 1920. Whether they legally divorced or not,
Claude abandoned his wife and son and married Margaret Pauline
“Bonnie” Adams on April 2, 1924 in Picher, Ottawa County,
Oklahoma.
On May 7, 1925, the couple had a son
they named Claudius Byron Hager. Apparently not all was happy with
this marriage, as in the trial, Claude’s landlady testified Claude
rented a house from her, and had gone with a local girl, who
discovered he was not divorced and quit seeing him. The lack of
testimony by his wife, Pauline, who later changed her name to Bonnie,
suggests that the marriage was over. From my grandfather, I know that
by 1928 or 1929, he was already living with his grandmother Margaret
Adams. He and his elder half brother, Eugene Tyler, had been stealing
milk bottles for food, because their mother had left them alone.
Margaret found out, and came and got the boys.
Although at the time of the murder of
Walter Harp, and the assault on his sister-in-law, Ethel Harp, he was
employed as a miner, Claude must have wandered quite a bit. The
sheriff of Ottawa stated he had known Claude for 7 or 8 years off and
on. In his own testimony, he states he met the couple in Colorado.
His testimony is further corroborated by Mrs. Ethel Harp, estranged
from her husband, states she and Walter met Claude in Holley,
Colorado where he was working in the fields harvesting. He suggested
they come to Picher, Oklahoma, which they did in August 1928. They
had an accident, and Claude worked on their car, and that was how
they met Elmer “Tommy” Moore. Of this Claude testified, that he
had met Harp and his wife in Colorado. The three were going to run
some liquor for a fellow. He details the problems the vehicle had in
detail (what was broken and how they fixed it).
The actual murder and assault story
given by Claude, Ethel Harp and Elmer Moore are different. Before I
discuss the testimony, the case is now a precedent in the state of
Oklahoma. Because he was 40, and Elmer Moore 20, the state of
Oklahoma upheld the legality of the difference in punishment between
Claude, who it was assumed asserted influence on the younger Elmer
Moore. Despite the fact that he had witnesses to his good character,
had no prior record, in 1929 in his trial, and in 1930 in his appeal,
the blame for the murder was rested falsely, entirely on Claude’s
shoulders. In the states opinion, Elmer Moore, who had a prior
conviction for robbery, was a young man who was led astray by the
elder Claude Hager, and was only an accessory to the murder. The
reality was the reverse.
Moore, who testified at Claude’s
trial for the State, was given leniency and life in prison, and
Claude, older, presumably wiser, was given the death penalty.
Ironically, two days before the scheduled execution of Claude, Elmer
Moore wrote a letter to the governor confessing that he lied in his
testimony. In his confession he corroborated the affidavit Claude
signed in 1928, and it is for this reason that Claude’s execution
was commuted to a life imprisonment. The newspaper article in the
Miami Newspaper and the articles written by Glenn Shirley omit this
information, and give the erroneous information that Claude served 15
years in prison. He did not. He died of throat cancer on March 20,
1933. The further criminal acts of his partner in crime, Elmer Moore,
suggest that besides being an alcoholic, Claude was a terrible judge
of character.
Of the actual crime, which occurred
August 30, 1928, Ethel Harp stated Elmer Moore was sitting behind
her, and Claude sat behind Walter Harp. When they approached the
schoolhouse, she was hit in the head and didn’t know anything else.
Claude’s confession stated he awoke to a woman’s scream. When he
awoke, Walter was slumped over the steering wheel, and Elmer Moore
was hitting Ethel with the hammer in the head. Claude testified he
grabbed the hammer and threw it out the window. When he got out of
the car, Claude said he fell into a ditch, and Elmer Moore said “why
you drunk son of a bitch”. Elmer drug Ethel out of the car and
tried to throw her over the fence, and called for Claude to help.
Claude did help him with the bodies of both victims. He fell trying
to get back into the car, and Elmer Moore put him in the back seat
where he again fell asleep.
While both Elmer Moore and Claude
testified to the quantity of liquor consumed this day, they varied in
the amounts. Claude testified that Moore brought nine bottles of beer
and 2 ½ pints of whiskey, while Elmer Moore testified they had 6
bottles of home brew and a half pint of whiskey, and most of the
alcohol was drank by Mr. Harp. Of the actual assault and murder he
testified that he hit Mr. Harp only once with a wrench; and that
Claude hit him over and over with a hammer while Ethel screamed.
After, Claude drug Ethel from the car and hit her over and over, but
he only hit her once. He also testified that it was Claude’s idea
to rob them, and dump the bodies the day of the attack. His testimony
of their escape was also brief. Elmer stated they drove out through
Muscogee to Little Rock. The car had trouble near Morlen, Arkansas
and they stayed a night, arriving in Little Rock on Friday or
Saturday, and staying until Tuesday. They then went to Benton,
Arkansas and on to Dallas. He returned home where he was caught, and
that Claude had had possession of the rings the entire time. He also
testified it was Claude who had the license plate changed on the car.
Claude’s affidavit again goes in
greater detail of their escape. He said he awoke in Okay, Oklahoma
where they had a flat, and he was still drunk. Somewhere along the
road, Moore cleaned up the car and they went to Little Rock, where
they got jobs in a mine. He worked two hours, Moore one day and two
hours. He said he was sick, and told Moore he was going to his
brother’s in Benton, Arkansas, but when he got there he found out
his brother had moved to Dallas, Texas. When they got to Dallas,
Moore tried to “soak” the rings at three places but couldn’t,
so he shoved them in Claude’s overall’s and said to give them to
his nieces. Claude and his brother worked picking cotton 27 miles
from Dallas, and Moore did so for a week. Moore gave him two dollars
to pay a negro to change the license on the car. Moore then left and
left the car, but told his brother, his wife and children he had
killed a man and woman, and was going to Washington.
In the newspaper article I found from
July 16, 1930, the following is quoted “Unless the governor grants
him clemency, Hager will go to the chair with bitterness in his heart
against Elmer Moore, a lifer, who two days ago wrote letters to the
state officials stating he alone had murdered Walter Harp in Ottawa
county during a drunken fishing party. “He should have told that
story a year ago instead of waiting until now when no one will
believe him” said Hager. “I will go down. I want my friends to
protest any attempt for clemency he makes. I want him to die here
like me.” A July 17, 1930 article states, Claude was given a 60 day
reprieve while they investigated the confession which exonerated
Hager. “An investigator sent to the penitentiary by the Governor
reported he believed Moore’s story was true.”
For my self, the last minute confession
of Elmer Moore brings a little piece of mind. While he played a part
in the brutal murder of Walter Harp, there is something to knowing
that Claude was not a cold blooded killer. The fact that my
grandfather was told he had died makes a bit more sense. I don’t
doubt that perhaps his mother and grandmother failed to read the
newspaper, and may not have known Claude wasn’t executed on July
16, 1930. Nor did they likely know that he died three years later,
but then again, I guess I want to believe they had good reason to
mislead my grandfather. I am also grateful to know that George Hager
corresponded with his brother. His flight to his brother after the
murder tells me something. In a life that was not easy, George was
who he trusted, George was his family. To know he was not abandoned,
despite his deeds, is gratifying. In his prison mug shot, the only
photo I will ever have of Claude, I see my grandfather. Rather than
the eyes of a cold blooded killer, I see sorrow, bewilderment, and
the eyes of my grandfather.
For both his sons, ignorant that they
had a sibling, the abandonment and knowledge that their father was a
murderer must have had some impact. For his grandchildren, there is
embarrassment, rightly so, in acknowledging this man and his acts. It
is hard to embrace his life and his actions, to acknowledge not only
his crimes, but his abandonment of his wives and children. Reading
the transcripts of the trial, and the articles has helped me
understand part of the story, and I hope this also helps the rest of
my family. In a footnote, Elmer Moore was given parole, and arrested
and sent back to prison after he was convicted of robbery in Leflore
County, Oklahoma. In 1953, he ran away from a work party, whether he
was found again, is unknown.
References
Newspaper Clipping: Condemned Man
Gets Reprieve; Two Will Hang, The Southeastern Missourian, July
16, 1930, Missouri
Newspaper Clipping: Man’s
Admission May Save Hager from Execution, Dallas Morning News,
July 16, 1930, Dallas, Texas
Newspaper Clipping: Slayer Not to
Die in Chair Tonite, Breckenridge American, July 16, 1930,
Breckenridge, Texas
Newspaper Clipping : Arrest Men in
Old Case, Breckenridge American, October 3, 1928, Breckenridge,
Texas
Folder Contents, Box, 41, Folder 8,
Published Books and Feature Stories Series, Glenn d. Shirley, Western
Americana Collection, Dickinson Research Center, National Cowboy and
Western Heritage Museum, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Transcript of Case, April 19, 1929,
typed by Court Clerk: State of Oklahoma, Plaintiff, vs. Claude
(Blackie) Hager, Defendant
Letter of Correspondence from Oklahoma
State Penitentiary, McAlester Oklahoma, November 8, 1949, from the
Warden, Nettie V. Brown, Claude Hager, Walter Wigger and Elmer Moore
Transcript of Appeal, Claude (Blackie)
Hager vs. State, April 1930, Affirmed
Oklahoma State Case Law, Appeal Claude
Hager vs. State, OSCN
Record of Guardianship for Cloud and
George W. Hager 1905, Saline County, AR
Marriage Records of Benton, Saline
County, Arkansas
Marriage Record of Ottawa County,
Arkansas
World War One Draft Registration,
Ancestry.com
United States Federal Census, 1900,
1920, 1930, Ancestry.com
Thursday, March 6, 2014
William Eustace Trahern
About 15 years ago, a grandson of William Eustace Trahern sent me his autobiography. I went back to it several times over the last 15 years. One of the things I was trying to do was figure out who his maternal grandmother was. Yesterday I finally figured it out.
William's autobiography is now available in an ebook by his descendant Chris Cook for a nominal fee. You can find the book here. The Autobiography is included at the end of the book.
William Eustace Trahern was the son of William Trahern and Mariah B. Trahern. He was born in 1838 near Jackson, Mississippi. His father William Trahern, was the younger brother of my ancestor James Trahern. His mother was the daughter of Jesse Trahern and Harriet Walker. Jesse Trahern belongs to the "other" Trahern's who came from Anne Arundel County, Maryland to Loudoun County, Virginia at the close of the American Revolution. This family attended the Quaker church, which has helped a lot in tracing them.
Jesse's grandfather William Trahern (not a Quaker) is quite likely the same as the William Trahern who was executor of the will of Robert Trahern in 1760 in Calvert County, Maryland. Since I believe that Nehemiah is the heir to Robert mentioned in the index (need to see the files still), it is quite likely that Jesse Trahern is the second cousin of Mariah's husband William Trahern. During the American Revolution and through 1830 we really only have 3 Trahern families to be concerned with, the Somerset family who spells (and likely pronounces the name in the correct Welsh way) Trahearne and the Trahern's of Loudoun and my family in Pittsylvania.
Jesse Trahern was dismissed from the Quakers in 1817. It appears he married his wife Harriet about 1818 as that is when their eldest child, Mariah B. Trahern was born. In 1820 we find Jesse and his wife Harriet in Loudoun County, Virginia. We also see an advertisement that same year that land was being sold to satisfy a debt of 300 dollars to Thornton Walker. By 1825 Jesse and his family are living in Natchez, Mississippi. A death notice for Harriet in November and a six month old son John W. Trahern in December of that year show that the family was residing there. That same year Jesse Trahern advertised a 2 over 2 home for sale he built himself.
Jesse Trahern remarried Sarah Timbury from England shortly after his wife's death. In 1829 Jesse, like his son and wife died of yellow fever. Until yesterday what I was left with for Jesse's family was entirely in what William Eustace Trahern had written. Estate records for Jesse Trahern found in Adams county, Mississippi records on familysearch.org show that both Mariah B. and Sarah Frances Trahern had for the guardian William H. Magruder. In 1827, Elvira H. Walker married William H. Magruder in Mississippi.
In his book, William Eustace recalls a visit to his mother's Aunt in Holmes county, Mississippi. He also names her four children, Eliza, Hattie, Sue and Willie. Census records show that Elvira Magruder was the mother of four children, Eliza, Harriet (Hattie), Susan and William H. Magruder Jr and lived in Holmes county. According to family researcher's for Elvira, she was born in Fairfax County, Virginia. William E. Trahern also mentioned his mother's Uncle, John W. Walker who invited her to live with him in Little Rock, Arkansas. Census records of 1850 and 1860 show only one John W. Walker old enough, and that is John Wormsley (Warmsley) Walker who was the builder of the Little Rock Arsenal. According to findagrave he was also born in Fairfax County, Virginia.
Much of what William wrote has been verified. There are a few errors. He states his father was born in Fauquier county, Virginia. We have no records of William Trahern or his father Nehemiah Trahern living there. They are only found in Queens Anne County, Maryland and Pittsylvania County, Virginia. William Eustace said his brother James Arthur Trahern was named after his father's only brother. We know that William was one of 5 sons, and had brother's named Samuel, John, James and Wesley.
William implies that his mother never received anything from her father Jesse's estate. Records show though she received her share, one third which amounted to about 273 dollars as a final payment to her husband, William Trahern in 1836. He also talks about the loss of his father's estate. He was in fact mistaken. Almost all the land patented to William Trahern (if not all) was actually listed for sale as part of Wesley Trahern's estate after William's death. William Trahern had been the executor for both Wesley and James Trahern. In the case of James Trahern he was listed as the only heir, but in Wesley's case, his 7 children were to get equal shares of his estate. At the time of Wesley's death they were from the ages of 2-16 years old. (Sadly it appears that they never did get their share. When the estate was finally settled in 1852, no one knew where his children were living.)
It is impossible to know if James Trahern had asked his brother to care for Peggy and her two children, James' sons. What we do know is that in 1830, William Trahern was given the commission as agent for the Choctaw Orphan's under the treaty of Dancing Rabbit Creek. In 1834 hearings show that not only was William Trahern involved in a speculative land company, but he had purchased Peggy's float along with Joseph Plummer and other's from F. E. Plummer. This purchase was overturned, and Peggy's son was able to obtain the funds from the sale of the land after her death. The lands of Wesley's orphans was similarly appropriated by the same company and the sale was overturned.
William Eustace Trahern mentions the visit of a cousin, William Trahern, who had indian blood and visited him in Holmes County. This was Wesley's second oldest son who had recently returned from the Choctaw Academy and who was living in Holmes County. It is probable he had come to inquire about his father's estate. When he closes his story and says he is the last of the Trahern name when he dies, he is of course in error. Though there are only a handful who bear the Trahern name left, descendants of James, Wesley and John still bear the name.
William's story is a wonderful insight into his time during the Civil War. He does not mention that he was a portrait artist, and is listed in Who's Who of American Artists. A review of his portrait of General Butler was favorably publicized in the 1870's. What is remarkable is that he took the time to record his life. It is a small thing that so many of us wish our ancestor's and family had done.
For more on the Loudoun County Trahern's, please visit here.
William's autobiography is now available in an ebook by his descendant Chris Cook for a nominal fee. You can find the book here. The Autobiography is included at the end of the book.
William Eustace Trahern was the son of William Trahern and Mariah B. Trahern. He was born in 1838 near Jackson, Mississippi. His father William Trahern, was the younger brother of my ancestor James Trahern. His mother was the daughter of Jesse Trahern and Harriet Walker. Jesse Trahern belongs to the "other" Trahern's who came from Anne Arundel County, Maryland to Loudoun County, Virginia at the close of the American Revolution. This family attended the Quaker church, which has helped a lot in tracing them.
Jesse's grandfather William Trahern (not a Quaker) is quite likely the same as the William Trahern who was executor of the will of Robert Trahern in 1760 in Calvert County, Maryland. Since I believe that Nehemiah is the heir to Robert mentioned in the index (need to see the files still), it is quite likely that Jesse Trahern is the second cousin of Mariah's husband William Trahern. During the American Revolution and through 1830 we really only have 3 Trahern families to be concerned with, the Somerset family who spells (and likely pronounces the name in the correct Welsh way) Trahearne and the Trahern's of Loudoun and my family in Pittsylvania.
Jesse Trahern was dismissed from the Quakers in 1817. It appears he married his wife Harriet about 1818 as that is when their eldest child, Mariah B. Trahern was born. In 1820 we find Jesse and his wife Harriet in Loudoun County, Virginia. We also see an advertisement that same year that land was being sold to satisfy a debt of 300 dollars to Thornton Walker. By 1825 Jesse and his family are living in Natchez, Mississippi. A death notice for Harriet in November and a six month old son John W. Trahern in December of that year show that the family was residing there. That same year Jesse Trahern advertised a 2 over 2 home for sale he built himself.
Jesse Trahern remarried Sarah Timbury from England shortly after his wife's death. In 1829 Jesse, like his son and wife died of yellow fever. Until yesterday what I was left with for Jesse's family was entirely in what William Eustace Trahern had written. Estate records for Jesse Trahern found in Adams county, Mississippi records on familysearch.org show that both Mariah B. and Sarah Frances Trahern had for the guardian William H. Magruder. In 1827, Elvira H. Walker married William H. Magruder in Mississippi.
In his book, William Eustace recalls a visit to his mother's Aunt in Holmes county, Mississippi. He also names her four children, Eliza, Hattie, Sue and Willie. Census records show that Elvira Magruder was the mother of four children, Eliza, Harriet (Hattie), Susan and William H. Magruder Jr and lived in Holmes county. According to family researcher's for Elvira, she was born in Fairfax County, Virginia. William E. Trahern also mentioned his mother's Uncle, John W. Walker who invited her to live with him in Little Rock, Arkansas. Census records of 1850 and 1860 show only one John W. Walker old enough, and that is John Wormsley (Warmsley) Walker who was the builder of the Little Rock Arsenal. According to findagrave he was also born in Fairfax County, Virginia.
Much of what William wrote has been verified. There are a few errors. He states his father was born in Fauquier county, Virginia. We have no records of William Trahern or his father Nehemiah Trahern living there. They are only found in Queens Anne County, Maryland and Pittsylvania County, Virginia. William Eustace said his brother James Arthur Trahern was named after his father's only brother. We know that William was one of 5 sons, and had brother's named Samuel, John, James and Wesley.
William implies that his mother never received anything from her father Jesse's estate. Records show though she received her share, one third which amounted to about 273 dollars as a final payment to her husband, William Trahern in 1836. He also talks about the loss of his father's estate. He was in fact mistaken. Almost all the land patented to William Trahern (if not all) was actually listed for sale as part of Wesley Trahern's estate after William's death. William Trahern had been the executor for both Wesley and James Trahern. In the case of James Trahern he was listed as the only heir, but in Wesley's case, his 7 children were to get equal shares of his estate. At the time of Wesley's death they were from the ages of 2-16 years old. (Sadly it appears that they never did get their share. When the estate was finally settled in 1852, no one knew where his children were living.)
It is impossible to know if James Trahern had asked his brother to care for Peggy and her two children, James' sons. What we do know is that in 1830, William Trahern was given the commission as agent for the Choctaw Orphan's under the treaty of Dancing Rabbit Creek. In 1834 hearings show that not only was William Trahern involved in a speculative land company, but he had purchased Peggy's float along with Joseph Plummer and other's from F. E. Plummer. This purchase was overturned, and Peggy's son was able to obtain the funds from the sale of the land after her death. The lands of Wesley's orphans was similarly appropriated by the same company and the sale was overturned.
William Eustace Trahern mentions the visit of a cousin, William Trahern, who had indian blood and visited him in Holmes County. This was Wesley's second oldest son who had recently returned from the Choctaw Academy and who was living in Holmes County. It is probable he had come to inquire about his father's estate. When he closes his story and says he is the last of the Trahern name when he dies, he is of course in error. Though there are only a handful who bear the Trahern name left, descendants of James, Wesley and John still bear the name.
William's story is a wonderful insight into his time during the Civil War. He does not mention that he was a portrait artist, and is listed in Who's Who of American Artists. A review of his portrait of General Butler was favorably publicized in the 1870's. What is remarkable is that he took the time to record his life. It is a small thing that so many of us wish our ancestor's and family had done.
For more on the Loudoun County Trahern's, please visit here.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Hope for the brain damaged
Disclaimer: This blog is a reflection of my own experiences, and how I deal with them. It is not my intention to insult anyone who has similar conditions, nor is it meant to underplay the significance of the impact on individuals suffering from brain disorders.
Sorry I have been silent lately. Life has quite simply gotten in the way. In the last few months I have been dealing with some health issues and life in general. Although I still have an unknown question hanging over my head where my health is concerned, I wanted to step away from my normal genealogy posts and talk about my recent experiences. I do this because many of the folks I know are older and have problems of their own, and also, because there is a chance that my experience may help someone else. I will be back to genealogy before you know it.
So, brain damaged? What do I mean by that? I have two conditions that have literally changed the way my brain works. When I say that my conditions are "all in my head" it is literally, and not in the way that we generally use the term. Fourteen years ago, I was diagnosed with a dysautonomic disorder called Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). Basically, the part of my brain that controls things like heart beat and blood pressure doesn't work right. So whenever I stand up, unlike someone with neurogenic syncope who passes out, my body increases the heart rate. Truth is I have had symptoms of POTS since I was 8 years old when I began having near syncope. By the time I was a teenager I had several of the other symptoms, and I really noticed the tachycardia last.
I am pretty high functioning for a patient with POTS. It is true that POTS patients have a hyperawareness of their body and symptoms. (Although I think it's sometimes a nice way for doctors to call us hypochondriacs). In my case, I have used that to my advantage. I know my limits, and know when I can push them and when I can't. How I deal with my POTS has a lot to do with how I deal with the other condition which I have been labeled. So I will go into it a bit more later.
Last month my (relatively new to me) doctor told me I was too young to have problems with my knee, and sent me to an orthopedist, which led to physical therapy. When the therapist told me I had chronic pain, I first thought "I don't want to be one of THOSE patients". Only another nurse or health care provider will understand what that means. On reflection however, it's true. I do have chronic pain.
A car accident when I was 19 started this journey. An injured shoulder bothered me for years, until finally when I was 27 I went to my doctor and told him I don't care if you have to cut it off, I need to do something. An orthopedic visit and an injection later, and it stopped bothering me until a car accident 6 years ago. That time I had surgery in 2 1/2 weeks, because I literally could not deal with the pain.
In the meantime, a work injury in 1998 sent me to a chiropractor (not by choice). I walked away from that experience with a diagnosis of sacroileotitis, or an inflammation of the Sacro Iliac joint. I have lived with that pain ever since. Four years ago I broke my patella on my left leg, and after the fracture healed I continued to have pain in my leg. For me it was just another problem I had to live with. Doctors are pretty good at prescribing pills, but the anti-inflammatory drugs don't seem to help all that much, and although I do now have a pain prescription, I don't like to use it.
Although I robotically ask patients to rate their pain on a scale of 1-10, for me it's not that simple. I don't think of my pain in that way. For me, much like my POTS, there are four levels. I know it's there but it's not that bad, it's there but I am easily distracted from it, it's there but it's hard not to think about it, and I can't work because it's all I can think about. Ironically, how I function in my POTS is exactly the same way.
The suck it up buttercup mentality I have developed from childhood, was honed with the idea of mental toughness in the Marines, and after 18 years as a nurse, my ability to compartmentalize and ignore my symptoms or my pain has been perfected. Simply put, if I am busy enough, I usually put it on my mental shelf and ignore it. When I found out 14 months ago my vitamin D level was 11, I thought I had the answer. Although it's still not normal, it's close enough that I had thought this was as good as it gets. Because fixing that went a long way towards making me hurt less.
When the physical therapist explained to me that chronic pain actually changes the nervous system, I was a little shocked. I had no idea that it could do that. The brain, trying to protect the body, tenses everything up and is in a constant protective state. In these actions though, the brain is often causing the pain it's trying to protect from. The result is a constant cycle in which no day is ever pain free.
That's not to say it is all in my head. I have a pretty significant instability in my SI joint. What that means as far as what activity I am allowed to do for a long time shocked me. No impact, no tread mill for 6 months. No stretching or yoga for at least a year. I will also have to have some kind of maintenance exercises for I don't know how long.
I started this article with hope, and that's what I am about to talk about. My therapist told me that when I said my pain was 4-5 it was like an 8-9 for someone else. I can tell there is pain, but I have trouble saying if one area is worse than another. My brain is just too used to those impulses. Therapy is retraining my brain. I was asked a goal when I started therapy. It was simple, to face stairs without fear. I have literally avoided stairs for most of the last 4 years. It was 2 1/2 years before I could make it up a flight of stairs, and I can do that easily now most days, but going down. I am afraid I will fall. I simply do not have the strength and stability in my knee.I am working on that.
Here is my hope. What I did not expect to get out of therapy. I wake up, and I don't hurt. I worked two 12 hour shifts as a nurse, and I didn't come home in pain like I usually do. In fact, I have had little pain in the last week, so little that for me it's almost the equivalent of none. I did not hope for that. I had such low expectations, I didn't think that could be my reality. Now it is.
My mother gets angry with me when I tell her she should try something because it works for me. She's right, just because it works for me doesn't mean it will work for everyone, but then she's also wrong. I am right when I preach about Vitamin D levels to people. After reading several dozen studies, it is an epidemic. And if you have chronic pain or disease, you aren't going outside and getting half body sun for at least 30 minutes without sunscreen, and unless you live along the Gulf Coast, Texas, Arizona, New Mexico or California, that only works in the summer. So if you have chronic pain, ask your doctor about your Vitamin D.
Therapy won't work for everyone and every condition, but the decompression exercises he has me doing, were designed for women with osteoporosis. Studies showed an 8-15 percent increase in bone density in 6 months. And a benefit is better posture. I literally had to adjust my rear view mirror in 2 days because my posture had improved. There are things that we all can do to make ourselves healthier.
I thought I was doing so good, because I work full time, but the reality has been, I live to work. The rest of my week is about "resting" so I can go to work. That's not life, that's existing. Here is what I have learned in a relatively short time. At this point and time medical science can fix POTS about as well as you can fix stupid. It's just not on the horizon. That part of my reality won't change, but I do know now that pain isn't good. It's not always okay to "tough it out". We need to listen to our bodies. We don't need to stop what we are doing, but go slower, do it smaller. Just keep moving. And most of all, don't give up hope.
Sorry I have been silent lately. Life has quite simply gotten in the way. In the last few months I have been dealing with some health issues and life in general. Although I still have an unknown question hanging over my head where my health is concerned, I wanted to step away from my normal genealogy posts and talk about my recent experiences. I do this because many of the folks I know are older and have problems of their own, and also, because there is a chance that my experience may help someone else. I will be back to genealogy before you know it.
So, brain damaged? What do I mean by that? I have two conditions that have literally changed the way my brain works. When I say that my conditions are "all in my head" it is literally, and not in the way that we generally use the term. Fourteen years ago, I was diagnosed with a dysautonomic disorder called Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS). Basically, the part of my brain that controls things like heart beat and blood pressure doesn't work right. So whenever I stand up, unlike someone with neurogenic syncope who passes out, my body increases the heart rate. Truth is I have had symptoms of POTS since I was 8 years old when I began having near syncope. By the time I was a teenager I had several of the other symptoms, and I really noticed the tachycardia last.
I am pretty high functioning for a patient with POTS. It is true that POTS patients have a hyperawareness of their body and symptoms. (Although I think it's sometimes a nice way for doctors to call us hypochondriacs). In my case, I have used that to my advantage. I know my limits, and know when I can push them and when I can't. How I deal with my POTS has a lot to do with how I deal with the other condition which I have been labeled. So I will go into it a bit more later.
Last month my (relatively new to me) doctor told me I was too young to have problems with my knee, and sent me to an orthopedist, which led to physical therapy. When the therapist told me I had chronic pain, I first thought "I don't want to be one of THOSE patients". Only another nurse or health care provider will understand what that means. On reflection however, it's true. I do have chronic pain.
A car accident when I was 19 started this journey. An injured shoulder bothered me for years, until finally when I was 27 I went to my doctor and told him I don't care if you have to cut it off, I need to do something. An orthopedic visit and an injection later, and it stopped bothering me until a car accident 6 years ago. That time I had surgery in 2 1/2 weeks, because I literally could not deal with the pain.
In the meantime, a work injury in 1998 sent me to a chiropractor (not by choice). I walked away from that experience with a diagnosis of sacroileotitis, or an inflammation of the Sacro Iliac joint. I have lived with that pain ever since. Four years ago I broke my patella on my left leg, and after the fracture healed I continued to have pain in my leg. For me it was just another problem I had to live with. Doctors are pretty good at prescribing pills, but the anti-inflammatory drugs don't seem to help all that much, and although I do now have a pain prescription, I don't like to use it.
Although I robotically ask patients to rate their pain on a scale of 1-10, for me it's not that simple. I don't think of my pain in that way. For me, much like my POTS, there are four levels. I know it's there but it's not that bad, it's there but I am easily distracted from it, it's there but it's hard not to think about it, and I can't work because it's all I can think about. Ironically, how I function in my POTS is exactly the same way.
The suck it up buttercup mentality I have developed from childhood, was honed with the idea of mental toughness in the Marines, and after 18 years as a nurse, my ability to compartmentalize and ignore my symptoms or my pain has been perfected. Simply put, if I am busy enough, I usually put it on my mental shelf and ignore it. When I found out 14 months ago my vitamin D level was 11, I thought I had the answer. Although it's still not normal, it's close enough that I had thought this was as good as it gets. Because fixing that went a long way towards making me hurt less.
When the physical therapist explained to me that chronic pain actually changes the nervous system, I was a little shocked. I had no idea that it could do that. The brain, trying to protect the body, tenses everything up and is in a constant protective state. In these actions though, the brain is often causing the pain it's trying to protect from. The result is a constant cycle in which no day is ever pain free.
That's not to say it is all in my head. I have a pretty significant instability in my SI joint. What that means as far as what activity I am allowed to do for a long time shocked me. No impact, no tread mill for 6 months. No stretching or yoga for at least a year. I will also have to have some kind of maintenance exercises for I don't know how long.
I started this article with hope, and that's what I am about to talk about. My therapist told me that when I said my pain was 4-5 it was like an 8-9 for someone else. I can tell there is pain, but I have trouble saying if one area is worse than another. My brain is just too used to those impulses. Therapy is retraining my brain. I was asked a goal when I started therapy. It was simple, to face stairs without fear. I have literally avoided stairs for most of the last 4 years. It was 2 1/2 years before I could make it up a flight of stairs, and I can do that easily now most days, but going down. I am afraid I will fall. I simply do not have the strength and stability in my knee.I am working on that.
Here is my hope. What I did not expect to get out of therapy. I wake up, and I don't hurt. I worked two 12 hour shifts as a nurse, and I didn't come home in pain like I usually do. In fact, I have had little pain in the last week, so little that for me it's almost the equivalent of none. I did not hope for that. I had such low expectations, I didn't think that could be my reality. Now it is.
My mother gets angry with me when I tell her she should try something because it works for me. She's right, just because it works for me doesn't mean it will work for everyone, but then she's also wrong. I am right when I preach about Vitamin D levels to people. After reading several dozen studies, it is an epidemic. And if you have chronic pain or disease, you aren't going outside and getting half body sun for at least 30 minutes without sunscreen, and unless you live along the Gulf Coast, Texas, Arizona, New Mexico or California, that only works in the summer. So if you have chronic pain, ask your doctor about your Vitamin D.
Therapy won't work for everyone and every condition, but the decompression exercises he has me doing, were designed for women with osteoporosis. Studies showed an 8-15 percent increase in bone density in 6 months. And a benefit is better posture. I literally had to adjust my rear view mirror in 2 days because my posture had improved. There are things that we all can do to make ourselves healthier.
I thought I was doing so good, because I work full time, but the reality has been, I live to work. The rest of my week is about "resting" so I can go to work. That's not life, that's existing. Here is what I have learned in a relatively short time. At this point and time medical science can fix POTS about as well as you can fix stupid. It's just not on the horizon. That part of my reality won't change, but I do know now that pain isn't good. It's not always okay to "tough it out". We need to listen to our bodies. We don't need to stop what we are doing, but go slower, do it smaller. Just keep moving. And most of all, don't give up hope.
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